Mothers & More’s Annual Power of a Purse Campaign Picks up Steam for 2013

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POPLogo 2011Update 300x129 Mothers & Mores Annual Power of a Purse Campaign Picks up Steam for 2013

purses3 300x225 Mothers & Mores Annual Power of a Purse Campaign Picks up Steam for 2013

There is Power in a Purse.

By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

Many of you know that I am on the Board of Directors of Mothers & More, a fantastic 25-year-old non-profit that provides support, education and advocacy for mothers through:

  • Creating a network of national chapters and online networking forums by and for mothers encompassing non-judgmental communication and peer support
  • Offering webinars that give our members exposure to authors, women in business, and financial and workplace tools and tactics, that support our mission
  • Supporting financially disadvantaged mothers through our annual Power of a Purse campaign, where new and gently used purses and accompanying items, are collected and donated to shelters and other non-profits
  • Advocating for public policies that value the work of caregiving

I am delighted to be able to give you some incredible news about our 2013 Power of a Purse campaign that was just shared with our members. This is a repost of the information that went out. Please read through to the bottom to see how you can participate and/or donate.

For most mothers it’s a continuous balancing act to juggle the needs of ourselves, our families and our jobs, whether at home or in a workplace. Now, imagine the struggle of a mother who has little or no financial means with which to help her family.

That’s why Mothers & More has been dedicated to helping these mothers every year with our Power of a Purse campaign, during which, as mentioned above, members and chapters donate purses and personal items to financially disadvantaged women through shelters and other non-profit organizations.  A purse symbolizes a woman’s economic power and many families rely on a mother’s income. We also provide educational resources to help women increase their financial awareness, confidence and control.

Now in its fifth year, Power of a Purse has seen our members and chapters donate more than 20,000 purses and thousands of personal items. And this year we have even more in store.

We are  excited to announce that Linda Descano, CFA, President and CEO of Women & Co., a service of Citi that provides women with financial content and thoughtful commentary to get them talking and thinking about money, will be presenting a webinar, “Taking Control of Your Financial Future,” on Monday, May 20th at 1:00 pm EDT. Women & Co. will also provide us with a list of relevant links to financial resource content from its website that we can include in donated purses.  You can learn more at Women & Co.

We will launch a Writing Contest in April in celebration of Power of a Purse. The contest will be open to both members and non-members, and will be judged in separate categories for each. We invite you to tell us, in 300 words or less, how the mission of Power of a Purse resonates with you through your own “purse-onal” story. Perhaps it’s the money struggles you’ve coped with in the past, your current daily task of managing a household on a budget, or the financial concerns you have for your future, whether it’s saving for your retirement, paying for your children’s college, starting your own business, or planning for your dream vacation.

We will publish the top 5 stories in our Mothers’ Voices Blog. Prizes will include a one-year Mothers & More membership renewal for current members and a new one-year membership for non-members. We will announce additional prizes on our national FB page and on Twitter soon, so stay tuned.

Don’t miss our Twitter party about Power of a Purse (hosted by Culture Mom Media)  that will help you test your financial savvy. Join us on Thursday, April 11th at 9:00 pm EDT. We will offer lots of prizes and membership opportunities. To join, click here. 

We are honored to have wonderful judges for our writing contest, including Susan Carraretto, co-founder of the website and community 5 Minutes for Mom; Patty Chang Anker, author of the upcoming book Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave, to be published by Riverhead Books (Penguin) in the fall, who blogs at Facing Forty Upside Down; Jessica Rubin Cohen of the social good blog, Found the Marbles; Ciaran Blumenfeld of Momfluential, who also blogs for Casa de Chaos, and Lori Botterman, Senior Editor for Tribune Media Group, who blogs at Who Has More Fun Than People?

Email your entry between April 1st and 30th to powerofapurse@mothersandmore.org. Please be sure to include your full name, address, phone number, and if you are a Mothers & More member, list what chapter you belong to. All entries should be double-spaced.

Spread the word to your friends, both members and non-members of Mothers & More!

To learn more about the campaign,  visit the Power of a Purse page on the Mothers & More website.

And join Mothers & More

Remember, together, mothers are powerful!

Please email powerofapurse@mothersandmore.org if you have appropriate books or prizes to donate to our writing contest or for our Twitter party.

Please repost and share everywhere. Thank you!


He’s Proud to be an American

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get attachment.aspx 225x300 Hes Proud to be an American

The actual flag and oath from the immigration office

By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

So I have wonderful news this week. My South African hubby, who came to this country from New Zealand for the first time in 2001, finally took the steps necessary to become a member of our great nation…and on Thursday, he was confirmed as a U.S. Citizen. It’s about time, right? He’s been a permanent resident since 2004, a year before we became engaged and married in 2005.

This makes me happy for several reasons. Our daughter is a U.S. citizen; and I’m a U.S. citizen; so it makes sense that her daddy would be one, too. Second, now he can vote and not just give lip service to his candidate of choice (which by the way, often differs from mine, but I’m ok with that).

His experience at the office of immigration left much to be desired:  Long, long lines; (our government at its finest) people who brought their entire families, and did not even dress up for their interviews (baggy jeans, with underwear sticking out a la rap star,  apparently was the dress code of the day). My husband, however, dressed according to the rules, which asked applicants to avoid wearing jeans or shorts.  I can’t say I’m descended from a Mayflower family, however, I know that one must show respect to the country you are emigrating to.

The interview included an English-speaking test, a writing test and a  test, where the applicants had to get six questions correct out of ten questions asked, derived from a booklet (and DVD) set that included 100  Civics questions. a My hubby aced the test in 10 minutes; while others took much, much longer (if they passed at all) to complete their interviews.

Here are some random questions from the question book my husband was given to study before his interview :

1) How many amendments does the constitution have?

2) The House of Representative has how many voting members?

3) If both the President and the President can no longer serve who becomes President?

4) Who is the Chief Justice of the United States?

5) The Federalist Papers supported the passage of the U.S. Constitution. Name the writers?

6) What did Susan B. Anthony do?

 Answers on the bottom

How did you do?

Please now join me in a refrain of Lee Greenwood’s Song, “G-d Bless the USA” in honor of my hubby and his new status, which my daughter and I have taken to singing every time he walks into the room.. (So far he’s still smiling).

 I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

 

 

Answers: 1) 27, 2) 435 3) The Speaker of the House 4) John Roberts 5) James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, under the pen name Publius 6) She fought for women’s rights

 

When did you or your relatives emigrate to America and are you proud to be an American and why?

 

 

The Flawless-Finish Face Cream I Just Had to Try

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

As a former magazine beauty editor, editor-in-chief (Woman’s Own, Hachette Filipacchi’s Body by Jake, Esthetique) and co-author of Beautiful Skin: Every Woman’s Guide to Looking her Best at Any Age (Adams Media), I’ve seen just about every kind of beauty product come across my desk.

From Dior to Avon, the new makeup lines appeared on my desk or in boxes waiting to be unwrapped for the staff to ooh and aah over. It was anathema to me to not put on a full face of makeup for work or play. I also used makeup to cover up the reddish tone to my skin caused by my sensitive skin and mild case of rosacea.

That all changed once I became pregnant with my daughter. Since it was hard enough to move around grounded by the weight of my belly, any kind of artifice lost its allure, and  I found myself eschewing makeup and focusing on just keeping my skin looking its best. Less is more became my mantra.  So I washed with Cetaphil and used a moisturizer from my dermatologist. And that was my routine. Period.

It took a year or so after giving birth to my daughter that I realized I wanted to start wearing coverup or foundation again . But, this time, I was super picky about what I was putting on my face. It had to feel good, look better; and be moisturizing as well as luminizing, to replace the glow I’d lost after late hours and indulging in worrying, my special favorite pastime as a new parent.

Searching for products in the drugstore or even retail stores was hard. Many did not do a good color match, and the result was an orangey sheen or so yellow that I looked like I had a mild case of scurvy. I found a foundation I liked by MAC, but recently they have stopped making it since they say they are reformulating it, read: I’ll never see it again. Sad horns.

Then as if by magic, I recently discovered L’Oreal Paris Magic Skin Beautifying BB Cream in the color Fair, a perfect match for my skin tone.

IMG 0465 225x300 The Flawless Finish Face Cream I Just Had to Try

I was ready for a change. So I  washed my face and dotted it on it on-just one side for starters, making sure to blend carefully with my fingertips.

IMG 0431 225x300 The Flawless Finish Face Cream I Just Had to Try

See the blotchy and red tone to my skin here. Before applying the beautifying cream.

IMG 0435skin 224x300 The Flawless Finish Face Cream I Just Had to TryThe invisible beads in the products instantly changed to my skin tone and It made the blotchiness (that I normally cover with a dab of foundation) go away. I also don’t think anyone needs to wear primer or foundation if you’re wearing this product.

549860 10200685323844847 1217548027 n 300x300 The Flawless Finish Face Cream I Just Had to TryAnd here I am out that night with my hubby. Doesn’t my skin look flawless? (And by the way, the only redness on my cheeks is from blush.) I think I’m also going to check if they have a product for more mature skin that offers even more hydration to my super dry, sensitive skin.

In the meantime, I’m so glad to finally have a go-to-product I can just throw in my bag for an anytime glow.

What’s your go-to-beauty product?

Disclosure: I received a free sample of the product from the SheSpeaks Blogger Society to review. However, as always, the opinions and comments are my own. 

The Marissa Mayer Controversy: Let’s Shift the Conversation from Mud Slinging to Caregiving

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

Marissa Mayer’s decree leaked last week –that employees of Yahoo could not work remotely or from home started a feeding frenzy of posts, commentary and of course, discourse; some extremely hostile toward mothers.

To paraphrase, many of the comments postulated that allowing mothers the flexibility to work from home was akin to having the company subsidizing childcare for these women. Others said women make the choice to have kids so they have to deal with it. What? Wait a minute!

Somebody please tell me when this discussion about the rights of workers to be able to have flexibility if they need it, while still adhering to proper performance standards became only about mothers and their choices? To make this the conversation convolutes, confuses and somehow diminishes the issue–which is about creating draconian working conditions for people; and not accepting that most people thrive in positions that allow for flexibility when necessary.

The real point is that this is a corporate policy issue–one that can start to become endemic–if another company rides the admittedly unpopular wave and opts in to the concept and then another (like Best Buy just did), and then another; soon it will just be accepted that employees need to be at their desks all day long, five days a week.

This potential shift in corporate policy frankly will not suit anyone-men or women, gay or straight, young or old, married or single.

Why? Because we do have something in common. We are a nation of caregivers. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP:

*There are an estimated 44.4 million American caregivers age 18 and older who provide unpaid care to an adult age 18 or older. Ten million people are caregiving for those 18-50; over 34 million caregivers are caring for people 50+.

*Almost six in ten caregivers work while providing care, and 62 percent have had to make some adjustments to their work life…from coming in late and leaving early, to taking a leave of absence, to giving up work entirely.

*Nearly half of all caregivers say they provide eight hours or less of care per week, and one in five (17%) says they provide more than 40 hours of care per week.

*Many caregivers fulfill multiple roles. Most caregivers are married or living with a partner (62%), and nearly 40% have children under 18 living at home. The great majority of caregivers (83%) are helping relatives.

*Although the caregiving landscape is still dominated by women helping women, the proportion of caregivers who are men is substantial. Nearly four in ten caregivers are men.

This is what we need to shift the conversation to: the value of caregiving: whether it be  children, aging parents, or, yes, taking that time to do errands, or get your cable set up without feeling that because you can’t give face time in an office that somehow correlates to your true performance at work.  If you are working on a project at 3:00 am and accomplish what you need to do; that should be the measuring stick, not the “effect” of showing the boss that you are slaving away at your desk.

So let’s stop dragging mothers into this fray and keep the conversation where it belongs: on the value of caregiving and the value of having government and corporate policies that support those efforts.

Because one way or another we all have caregiving in our past or future. Shouldn’t it be visible and valued?

Estelle Sobel Erasmus is an award-winning journalist, columnist and author who writes a blog Musings on Motherhood and Midlife chronicling her often humorous, sometimes serious, but always transformative journey through motherhood and marriage. She is on the board of directors of the national non-profit Mothers & More, and was featured in the anthology: What Do Mothers Need? Motherhood Activists and Scholars Speak Out on Maternal Empowerment for the 21st Century (Demeter Press, 2013). A piece she wrote was included in the 2012 BlogHer Voices of the Year Anthology.

 

 

Why Yahoo Just Became Obsolete

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

This post which I wrote on Saturday night 2/23 was syndicated on BlogHer on Sunday, 2/24, resulting in frenzy of views, discussions and follow-up posts from other writers. It has been mentioned on Good Morning America and other news programs and has been named a staff pick of the week for the National Association of Mothers Centers.

It is the #1 most popular post on BlogHer, and as of today, 3/2 there are 5,328 views, and 96 comments and counting. 

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, if you’re a parent you’ve probably heard the newest decree from Marissa Mayer, the young CEO of Yahoo, who was hired when she was five months pregnant and notably took only a two-week maternity leave after popping out her baby, undoubtedly while being fanned by her doula, a waiting nanny in tow.

Her decree, uttered with all the certainty that an empress can have from her ivory citadel, was that no longer could Yahoo employees work remotely (aka from home, or anywhere else that’s not the office) anymore.

“Speed and quality are often sacrificed when we work from home,” says the memo from the human resources department, and reprinted by Kara Swisher on allthingsd.com. “We need to be one Yahoo!, and that starts with physically being together.”

This proclamation assumes that Marissa Mayer is living in the real world today (which she is not); that Yahoo is a relevant company (it is not), and confirms that Yahoo, a technology company follows a construct of the working world straight out of the Mad Men era. Way to join the 21st century Yahoo. Not.

All of this is just plain wrong, not just for women but for PARENTS. The statistics are clear that working remotely works to boost both morale and productivity. Google’s made changes to their family leave policy, increasing the time spent out of the office, and the results were a lower attrition rate of new parents.

According to the 2012 National Study of Employers, “between 2005 to 2012, employers have increased their provision of options that allow employees to better manage the times and places in which they work. These include flex time (from 66% to 77%); flex place (from 34% to 63%); choices in managing time (from 78% to 93%); and daily time off when important needs arise (from 77% to 87%).”

And a study recently published by Stanford, says that if you work from home at least some of the time  you are most likely a more productive worker. During the 9-month study of call center workers for a travel agency in China, they found:

  • A 12 percent increase in productivity for the at-home workers. Of that increase, 8.5 percent came from working more hours (due to shorter breaks and fewer sick days) and 3.5 percent came from more performance per minute. The researchers speculate this was due to quieter working conditions.
  • No negative spill-overs to the control group stuck in the office even though they had communicated that they wanted to work from home.
  • A 50 percent decrease in attrition among the work-from-home group.
  • Substantially higher work satisfaction as measured by a survey among the home group .

They also noticed, employees who were already more productive tended to choose working from home while less-productive employees chose to stay in the office.

Marissa Mayer needs to wake up smell the coffee. Hey, doesn’t she report to a board, made up of presumably, um, parents? Board members, your employee is running amok. Put a stop to it, or you will “Yahoo” yourself off the face of any kind of  business dealings now and in the future.

As for me, the only nasty spam I’ve gotten in my in-box has been from Yahoo, and since I don’t work there, nor do I hope to, I’m going to treat this concept the way I do any form of spam…

Trash it.

What are your thoughts about this situation?

Estelle Sobel Erasmus  is an award-winning journalist who is on the Board of Directors of the national non-profit Mothers & More, a support, education and advocacy organization for mothers which emphasizes the value of a mother’s work whether paid or unpaid. She writes chronicles her often humorous, sometimes serious, but always transformative journey through motherhood and marriage in her award-winning blog, Musings on Motherhood and Midlife

Losing My Fear of the Oven

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

IMG 0234 225x300 Losing My Fear of the Oven

The double chocolate cake I baked for my husband’s birthday.

 

I used to have a fear of the oven.

I believe one of the reasons for this fear was because growing up my mother, a good cook,  always cooked for us for purely utilitarian reasons: we were hungry, therefore we needed to be fed.

That’s why I saw cooking as pedantic, ordinary, certainly not creative or fulfilling in any sense of the word.

In fact, when I met my husband I went so far as to tell him in all sincerity, “I’m not a Domestic Goddess; I don’t cook or clean so I just want to let  you know that up front in case that’s what you were looking for.” In my heart of hearts, I felt like I was a gypsy, I think, untamed and free.

“Don’t worry, it’s not,” was his response, much to my relief.

Besides, my husband had been well-versed himself in cooking skills as I wrote about here, so it really wasn’t an issue.

Flash forward to our first years of marriage and I was just as happy to order in as go out (which I actually saw as a huge concession to domesticity). I think I almost had a sense of pride in the fact that I didn’t cook. I wasn’t like other women, in my mind,  and I wasn’t about to succumb to the shackles on women represented by the idea of cooking for your man.

Then I gave birth to my daughter; I was now the center of a family of my very own, and everything changed for me. The change rose through the fiber of my being to transform and transpose all that I believed to be true. I learned. I opened myself up to new experiences. To new ways of being me…a better me.

I spent the first year after my daughter was born making bottles, feeding her baby food, and trying very hard, with varying degrees of success depending on the month to lose the baby weight I had accumulated. I also had lost my taste for sushi, Chinese food and other take-out-staples I had once embraced.

One of the moms I met, as I attempted to rebuild a more practical social circle of other women in the early years of babyhood, suggested I join a baking club, and to her credit when I balked said that she thought I’d enjoy myself.

Joining that baking club was the best move I ever made… towards a  life of dare I say it… domestic pleasure. And it didn’t hurt, when the other gals called me the rookie star of the club.

And finally…after gritting my teeth and just going for it (and by ‘it’, I mean turning it on and actually putting something in it),  I lost my fear of the oven (it did help to get elbow-length oven mitts; one for each hand).

I discovered I love baking; the mixing of ingredients (which I switch up now and then), and definitely do not do by the book. For example, why not add a dash of hot coffee in my cake mixture to bring out the taste of the chocolate, and how about trying buttermilk instead of regular milk for a moister cake?

Now, I bake my husband birthday cakes (double chocolate, with strawberry filling in between the layers was a special favorite this year); and I’ve made peanut butter banana muffins; donuts and my daughter’s favorite mouth-watering cherry, chocolate oatmeal cookies for holiday parties. I enjoy making special items for my family and doing it my way, so I know that the ingredients are pure (no corn syrup or Crisco in my concoctions, thank you very much).

Over time my beloved baking club has transformed into a cooking club, so now I tackle recipes with fervor (as long as it involves a short prep time).

I’ve learned both my natures can coexist peacefully: I can be nurturing to my family, and I can be me…free and creative.

I’m still not exactly a Domestic Goddess…but I’m getting there.

What is your construct about cooking/baking? How has it changed you?

 

8 Wacky Ways My Daughter Acts Like the Worst Boss I’ve Ever Had

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DSCN0224 300x225 8 Wacky Ways My Daughter Acts Like the Worst Boss Ive Ever Had

You! Follow my every command!

By Estelle Sobel Erasmus
In my two decades of working, I have had the distinct torture pleasure of having had several horrible bosses. From narcissistic behavior to lack of boundaries the ways they would abuse their positions of power never ceased to amaze me. 
That’s why its surprising that the bad-boss- behaviors I bitched about to my friends are now the sole province of my darling daughter.  
Let me lay it out for you…
 
1) Narcissistic to the Nth Degree:
The whole world revolves around her. More specifically: her snacks (animal crackers and goldfish), her clothes (preferably in the color purple of her once-beloved Barney), her books (Princess, Pinkalicous, The Cat in the Hat, or anything by Dr. Seuss), and her TV shows (Dora, Calliou, My LIttle Pony), and of course, her daddy and mommy, because their lives are supposed to revolve around her. Right?
2) Argues Nonsensically
Her: “Mommy, don’t say the cup is red. The cup is BLUE!”
Me: “Honey, but it’s a red cup.”
Her: “Mommy. It’s Blue. The. Cup. Is. Blue.”
Um, the cup is red, she’s just screwing around with me, and no, she’s not color blind.
3) No boundaries
“Mommy come and sit with me while I go to the potty.”
Naturally, she expects me to also have to wipe her butt. Isn’t that the reason I’m there? I’m also apparently there to clean up any and all messes involving spilled fluids (such as urine, vomit and milk), not necessarily in that order. Add that to my job of occasionally picking random boogers out of her nose; applying sticky ointment to the constant rashes she gets by never changing out of her pull-ups fast enough in the morning, and a host of other tasks that would be an imposition if requested by anyone else but my progeny.
Let’s not forget her utter disdain for any propriety when it comes to me being able to use the bathroom, or shower alone, or get dressed without her standing in proximity.
IMG 0336 225x300 8 Wacky Ways My Daughter Acts Like the Worst Boss Ive Ever Had

The gang’s all here. Just hidden under the covers.

4) Travels with an Entourage
Big bear, chipmunk, Minnie Mouse, Doggie, and Elf on the Shelf (don’t ask, but she is ALL OVER that little freakazoid) sleep with her in her big-girl-bed (and must all be tucked in securely). Every. night. She also brings a different animal to preschool with her every day. I’m assuming, they are the silent partners in her various craft and other secret, possibly CIA-related projects she engages in during the day.
5) Plays Favorites
She says: “I want daddy to do it.” And by ‘it’, she could refer to any number of situations, from playing a game, to reading a bedtime story to washing her hair, to helping her get dressed, to buckling her in her car seat, to holding her hand in the parking lot, to, well,  just about anything. Does it hurt? Sometimes.
Of course if it’s for the aforementioned wiping of her butt, I don’t mind it. Not. At. All.
 
6) Acts Like I Don’t Know Anything
Whether it’s putting a puzzle piece designed for a toddler in place,  to putting socks on my feet, to eating a “hot” piece of pizza, apparently my daughter has decided that there is a right way to do these tasks, and she has designated herself to be the one to “teach” dumb old me how. So my day is spent hearing a lot of this.
“Mommy, Mommy, you must blow on the pizza before you eat it. It’s hot. Watch me. Do it like this. “Woooosh”.
And this
“Mommy, mommy, put your foot this way, and then point your toe like this, and then your sock will fit. Look how I do it. Point your toes and then it will go in better.”
And this
“Mommy, mommy, you must turn the puzzle piece this way and then it will fit.”
Me: Sigh
 
7) Takes my Things
Here is the rule she lives by: what’s hers is hers and what’s mine is hers. That means that my new green eye pencil is about to fall into her hands and become the “best crayon she ever had.” That new “crayon” will now be used to draw on our couch (oops), smushed down hard on our kitchen table, and ultimately end its “short life” squashed into a ball of play dough under her bed, just about the time that I discover it’s gone.
 
8) Sexual Harassment
She feels she has every right to grab my boobs whenever the whim strikes her (and no, I didn’t breastfeed so I’m not sure where THAT is coming from). She also pulls my hubby’s arm hairs and swats him on his butt and when he says OW! she laughs and laughs…and laughs….and laughs.
And, I hate to admit it, but so do I.
 
Come on fess up. What’s the worst bad-boss behavior that your kids engage in? Also, tell me where you are visiting me from. Thanks!
 

Yup, I Did That: 10 Not-So-Nice-Mommy Moves

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

I hate to say it but I have done or said all of these to my daughter over the last year and a half.

IMG 0305 225x300 Yup, I Did That: 10 Not So Nice Mommy Moves

“Mommy, Why Can’t I Wear This Dress/Wand Combo to School?”

1) Hidden the outfits I don’t want her to wear on the top rung of her closet. Pulease, there is no reason for her to wear her Princess dress/wand set to school.  And barefoot. In February. Or the see-through blouse that long ago lost its sister tank top. And although she immediately rushes home IN THE WINTER, to put on her bathing suit IN THE WINTER, somehow its never quite around when she’s getting dressed in the morning.

2) Taken a bowl of grapes with me into the bathroom so I could eat them in peace (actually I did this today). Substitute chocolate bars, cookies, chips, for grapes for when I’m not on a diet. It all works if you ignore the continuous pounding on the bathroom door, till I’ve finished eating (running water helps to mask the sound of me chewing), and the crumbs are swept or flushed away. Delicious. Wish I could eat all my meals in such a zen state.

3) Announced that Chuck E. Cheese is closed for renovation over the weekend. In fact, it was closed the entire month of December. Sad horns.

4) Every time  I go out to my book, cooking club or a night out with friends, I tell her “mommy has a grown-up play date.” It seems to make sense to her, although probably the correct term should be “mommy is going to a child-free time, and drink some wine play date.” Eh, semantics.

5) Tell her that she can chew gum when she gets older. After hearing this repeated a few times, gum became her holy grail. Well,  I can now cross that off my list. Yesterday, I enjoyed a moment of quiet a bit too long. Felt guilty, went searching for her, and found her nose-deep in my handbag, with my favorite frosted lipstick smeared around her mouth. I saw the wrappers and didn’t need a crystal ball to tell me the truth. Gum. She had found her “precious”. She spit three thoroughly chewed up pieces of gum into my hand and brightly announced, “mommy, I chewed up the gum.” Game over.

6) While she’s in school randomly go through her room and sweep out toys that she doesn’t use or can’t use (or I hate or make tons of useless noise); I’m talking to you box that slinky came in, and Dora “guitar” and I use the term loosely. Good riddance.

7) Got her shoes with little heels on them (I was thinking more fashion-forward Suri Cruise, instead we get the clip-clop effect of Mr. Ed) as she clunks down the hall. At least it’s like a homing device.

8) Told her the pool closed early during the heat wave last year because I couldn’t bear another minute of hearing “I have to go potty.”

9) I never cut up her food into little bites. Never. Not once.  What I did do is spend lots of time teaching her how to chew her food. I also spent hours teaching her to roll over, too, but that’s another story. I wasn’t an adjunct professor at NYU for nothing you know.

10) Told her that the pacifier (aka binky) she was still sleeping with when she turned three years old was the last binky ever- that they didn’t make them anymore and that when it broke or wore out, we would be unable to replace it. Well, she bought it. It broke (ok, I helped it along by poking holes in it). And Ta Da No. More. Binky.

DSC00385 300x168 Yup, I Did That: 10 Not So Nice Mommy Moves

Yup, the binky had to go.

Hey, don’t judge me. You know you’ve done stuff like that. What have you done or said to your children that was sort of wrong, but felt so right?

For more funny stuff, check out

Why I Think My Preschooler is in the CIA

5 Things I Learned on a Family Cruise

 

 

 

 

Taking the “Subway” to Loony Town

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2727938492 fddeb4c7c0 150x99 Taking the Subway to Loony TownBy Estelle Sobel Erasmus

Unless you’ve been living under a rock much like Saddam Hussein used to, you must have heard about the “class action lawsuit” rendered against the fast-food-sandwich company, Subway.

The reason for the lawsuit? Apparently, a bunch of men have come together, pondered that the “foot-long” bread they have been promised–that’s 12 INCHES PEOPLE– did not happen. That’s right, they measured and were so very disappointed that the 12 inches they were promised by the fast-food chain did not um, make its way to their mouths as advertised. So they are suing. because they must have their 12 inches.

Now it’s clear for many reasons why this is taking place. Men measure. It’s part of their nature. Women do not measure; not really; I would say most women would not want 12 inches, and would be uncomfortable putting that much in their mouths. BREAD, people. I’m talking about the bread. And your diet. 12 inches of bread is way too much bread. You are probably glad if you get only 6 or 7 inches… Of bread. Even 9 is pushing it.

So… I just have to say, what if I or other women were to start similarly frivolous lawsuits.

How about:

I’m suing the U.S.Postal service: cause my mailman is late every time.

I’m suing the supermarket chain because: I have to reach way in the back to get a yogurt for my daughter that doesn’t expire in 2 DAYS

I’m suing my teacher at Boston University because you didn’t teach me about the PR benefit of YouTube. YouTube didn’t exist then you say? Well I say 12 inches doesn’t exist and why should you measure it. Unless you live under a rock and have nothing else to do.

Oh, and how many women have joined that lawsuit? None.

Because we don’t need to measure to have our pleasure.

Chime in. What would you (funny) sue for? 

 

A Preschooler’s Guide to Five Common Phrases Used on a Cruise

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

IMG 0122 225x300 A Preschoolers Guide to Five Common Phrases Used on a Cruise

Join me as I help you translate  common phrases using preschool speak.

Last month me, my husband and our daughter, joined my parents and my sister and her family for a Caribbean cruise. It was my  daughter’s first cruise experience. Because we know how much she loves preschool even though she is covert about what is actually happening during her days there (hint: I have reason to believe she’s in the CIA), I thought I might help some parents who are considering going on a cruise for the first time by explaining my preschooler’s real thoughts about common phrases used in the hopes that you’ll be able to navigate the waters just a bit better than I better than we did.

Common Phrase #1: Let’s Play Ping Pong:

What my preschooler thinks: Yay! I can run in between my mom, teenage cousins and a flying ping-pong ball, and be the “catcher”. And by catcher, I mean the person that is richocheting around the table, with the velocity of the Road Runner, while my mom frantically yells, ‘we don’t do that‘, and other phrases I will selectively ignore. I will also loudly proclaim “MY TURN” while trying to grab the racquet out of my mom’s flailing hands. I will progress to a full-on tantrum eliciting pitying stares directed at my mom from the people “relaxing” on the deck, while deciding that my next move will be to run to the other side of the boat, generously allowing my mom the opportunity to exercise as she struggles to keep up with me (you’re welcome mommy).

Where was Daddy, you might ask?  Working out in the gym.

IMG 0100 225x300 A Preschoolers Guide to Five Common Phrases Used on a Cruise

Daddy did manage to leave the gym long enough to play miniature golf with me, making me very happy.

Common Phrase #2: Let’s Go for Ice Cream

What my preschooler thinks: As I devour the tempting treat, I feel the pleasure and pain of a Sugar Rush followed by me uttering my favorite three words, “I WANT MORE,” which if you don’t know is the ever-present refrain of my generation. And by generation, I mean the preschool set. I will repeat this specific phrase with ever-growing volume (and throwing around of my body) until every mother in the vicinity breaks out in a splitting migraine, and there is a mass exodus of dogs from the closest pound.

After my Sugar Rush, I will ask my Daddy to swing me around  in a complete circle (not a half circle mind you), demanding to be swung ever higher, bug my cousins to play with me, and push my stuffed doggie in people’s faces, boobies, legs, tushies or private areas. Hahaha naughty doggie! So funny.

Common Phrase #3:  Do You Need To Go To The Bathroom?

What my preschooler thinks: Yes, of course I do. Why not take yet another opportunity to admire the archeological structure of the public powder room. While we’re at it, let’s not stop at just admiring. Let’s touch and maybe even taste the door–after all, you can’t really  tell the exact texture without using your tongue. Once in the stall, why not grab the toilet seat to steady myself? (Mommy is so funny when she gets upset). Who cares if it’s dirty (mommy does, hah ha). When I’m done with my business, mommy will watch as I use my creative skills to make hand washing  into an art form. It’s so ordinary to simply put soap on your hands and wash them.  What about if we fill the basin with soap from the dispenser, and then turn on the faucet and as the sink fills, immerse our hands in it up to the elbow?   After I do this, getting everything I am wearing sopping wet,  I’ll also scream loud enough for people at the next port to hear that the drying machines are TOO LOUD. TOO LOUD. OW. HURTING MY EARS. MAKE IT STOP. AHHH.

And let’s see how silly mom is by holding a tissue in her hand before she touches the door knob to open the door. I get so impatient with mommy. Let me just use my hands to grab the door handle, and then laugh delightedly as mom gasps as if I’ve just placed a roll of quarters in my mouth (I never did that by the way), and takes me by the hands and drags me back through the door. Oh yay, we’re going to wash our hands again. Mommy is so funny when she gets red in the face. Silly mommy.

IMG 0129 225x300 A Preschoolers Guide to Five Common Phrases Used on a Cruise

Grandma and Grandpa at our table, probably during one of my many, many  bathroom breaks.

 

Common Phrase #4: Let’s Sit Down to DinnerIMG 0127 225x300 A Preschoolers Guide to Five Common Phrases Used on a Cruise

What my preschooler thinks:  Chance to practice Ring Around the Rosie all around the table while servers are serving, cutlery (sharp) is being wielded, and people are enjoying (correction: trying to enjoy) their meals. This gives mommy the fun opportunity to exercise by lunging for knives that might be within my line of sight, and me the opportunity to demand of our waiter, “I need Parmesan cheese, please” (because whether it’s pasta, steak, fruit salad or hot dogs, what food item doesn’t get more delicious with tons of parmesan cheese poured over it)?  I can also ask my cousins and to put my hair into a perfect ponytail (because I’m obsessed with getting the perfect ponytail), and mommy gets it wrong. EVERY TIME. EVERY. TIME.

Besides, isn’t dinner time the ideal time for this important grooming task?

IMG 0081 225x300 A Preschoolers Guide to Five Common Phrases Used on a Cruise

My cousins know how to create the perfect ponytail. Notice the stuffed doggie that my cousins helped create for me.

Common Phrase #5: It’s Time for Bed

What my preschooler thinks: It’s time alright. Time to lock myself in the bathroom (because I’m so happy that I just figured THAT out). It’s also that moment when, I ask for my fourth ice cream cone of the day (not gonna happen says mommy), and beg for one last book after firmly being removed from mommy and daddy’s bed. Also, why can’t mommy sleep in my bed so I can sleep next to Daddy? Daddy works a lot and I don’t see him as much as I see mommy. In my opinion that’s a fair request, after all I’m much closer to Daddy.

So there you have it. Despite all the drama (or perhaps because of it), my daughter had an amazing time on the cruise, and so did we (there was a camp there after all).

Now you know what to expect the next time you take your preschooler on a cruise. After a while, you’ll get the hang of it.  It’s just like learning another language. Like French. If French were taught by screaming munchkins from the Land of Oz.

Who says family cruises aren’t educational?

How does your child interpret common phrases used on a cruise or vacation? 

You might also want to check out my funny post, Confessions of a Former Hoarder to find out how I was before motherhood and marriage, and why I still adore the sparse neatness of hotel (or cruise) rooms.

 

 

 

 

The Heiress on Broadway- A Review

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus The Heiress on Broadway A Review

With the popularity of period-dramas these days (Downton Abbey on PBS, the Mystery of Edwin Drood at the Roundabout Theatre and just about anything on the BBC), it’s no wonder that the riveting drama The Heiress, at the Walter Kerr Theatre is garnering rave reviews.

The Heiress was originally a play in 1947, and then became a movie in 1949 featuring Olivia de Havilland and Montgomery Clift, who were the premier stars of that time. The play, set in the year 1850 in Washington Square, New York covers the gamut of romance, deception, and the unspoken promise of redemption, albeit with a twist.

Fresh off mega-hit Downton Abbey is Dan Stevens. This is Dan’s Broadway debut, and in The Heiress he plays Morris Townsend, a charming (and fawning) suitor who may or may not be the answer to socially awkward, Catherine Sloper’s prayers.

Jessica Chastain was not performing in the lead role of Catherine Sloper, the aforementioned drab daughter of a rich doctor, the evening I saw the show, but no matter, understudy, Mairin Lee’s  performance was real, raw and rip-your-heart-out tear-wrenching. Although from time to time I strained to hear some of the words from my seat in the back, particularly from TV-trained actor, Dan Stevens (note to theater: better mikes, or drop them from the ceiling, as other shows have done), I felt every one of the actors strived to embody their parts perfectly, whether it was the too-flirtatious-for-her-age aunt , Lavinia played with impish charm by Judith Ivey, or David Strathairn as Dr. Austin Sloper, father of Catherine, who believes the only reason Morris is courting Catherine is so he can gain her inheritance. Straithairn plays the part with subtlety and nuance and just the right amount of emotional detachment and rueful disdain for his daughter.

The Heiress on Broadway A Review

The costumes are beautiful, the set works both to evoke the period of Victorian times and to move the story forward (you can’t help notice how sturdy and forbidding the door, and drawn curtains are, and the staircase is a character all its own). Best line in the play uttered by Catherine, in response to a comment on her cruelty,  ”I have been taught by masters.”

The Heiress on Broadway A Review

Grab a seat before it leaves the theater.  This is a strictly limited run through February 10, 2013 at the Walter Kerr Theatre (219 W. 48th St. NYC).

For more information and to buy tickets go to The Heiress.

Disclosure: I received two tickets to review this show, but the opinions and comments are my own.

Have you seen the show, and what/who appealed to you the most and why?

Confessions of a Former Hoarder

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By Estelle Sobel Erasmus

IMG 16252 187x300 Confessions of a Former Hoarder

I used to be a hoarder. And by hoarder I  mean someone who would surround herself with paper products. Unless it was used toilet paper (I’m not an animal). And by paper products I mean newspapers and magazines. And by magazines I mean any that featured cover lines like, “200 Fashion Tips for the Fashion Foolish” ,”101 Great Canapes” or “The Sexless Marriage: You Decide“.  All of which I was always thisclose to using in my writing and research as a journalist and magazine editor-in-chief, which ultimately ended up being used. Not. At. All.

As a “perk” of my job, along with the seasonal makeup trend items from Chanel and Givenchy, I also received enormous comp piles of crap sent to me (thank you not-to-be-named manufacturer for the disposable “flushing” device, and cheers to the distributor who deemed me worthy of the health drinks made from the rarest of berries found in the rainforests of Costa Rica). I even got daily deliveries of hard-bound books (we’re talking pre-Kindle times). Ever practical, I kept a “goody” bag in my closet, for handing out the fruits of my hard labor to friends, relatives, my cleaning lady, the mailman, random Christmas carollers, and even Steve Martin (a colleague of mine with that name, not that Steve Martin), I was a hoarder not a celebrity stalker, people.

I wasn’t exactly like the poor souls you see on the eponymously-named show that shared their home with used carbon paper (do not inhale says the warning label), boxes of menthol cigarettes (I don’t smoke), and dozens of rat traps from Costco (their sales can be the bomb), but I came thisclose.

One time a guy I was dating came over for the first time to my meticulously clean home, and by clean I mean I tossed everything into my closet even my dirty laundry which hadn’t been touched washed in months weeks days. As we were leaving to go out to dinner, I looked for my keys, and to my horror realized that I must have tossed them in the closet right when I was tossing everything else I own in there (yeh, I did THAT). That’s just how I used to roll. But. As previously mentioned. Not. With. Toilet. Paper.

So, I opened the closet door and everything came tumbling out, bras, panties, blouses, socks, random ripped out newspaper clippings, unopened boxes (I owe my doormen and the UPS man from 2002 many apologies–the packages WERE delivered), books and of course magazines. Lots and lots of magazines.

Unperturbed I jumped into the pile, with the enthusiasm of a toddler throwing herself into a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, shifted around a few bras, packages, papers and magazines, scrounged around and happily proceeded to hold up the keys like I had won the lottery shouting “I found them.” He looked at me as if I were holding up Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress and I knew he found me hot (or was it disgusting)? Or both. Because isn’t a Meat Dress both hot and disgusting?

Well, it took another boyfriend, he of the dour disposition coupled with the abilities of Mr. Fix It to avail me of my habit. As one day he forlornly watched me go through my piles of crap, his only sullen comment was “Estelle, do you think you’d miss that?” in the tone of Henry Higgins trying to rein in an unruly Eliza Doolittle (without the British accent). My overly defensive response: “Yes, this 1995 Better Home and Gardens recipe for beef lasagna might be useful some day.”

Here is the gist of our conversation, at least what I remember (you know the fumes of that Meat Dress stay with you).

Him: You don’t cook, nor do you write about cooking, or edit a cooking magazine.

Me: I might one day.

Him: You never eat pasta.

Me: I might one day.

HIm: Get rid of it.

Me: Um, ok.

And so it went.

Finally, my apartment was clean, about one year before I met my husband in 2003. And today, despite the presence of a very covert preschooler, my home is clutter free, except for one area: the bedroom. It’s the one place my husband and I can indulge our inner hoarders, and pile up our laundry (see photo). Have I mentioned we hate doing laundry?But we’re working on it. And by working on it I mean Not. At All.

And my subscriptions to magazines? They’ve all been cancelled. And by cancelled, I mean I  read them, but at the manicure place. In fact I’m reading one now. And Lady Gaga is on the cover. But not in a Meat Dress. That would be messy.

Do you have an inner hoarder? Tell me your confession? Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. Much.